Monday, 22 April 2013


I dont think there is anyone in this world out of all my family and friends, out of 7 BILLION people that know me exactly, can tell my mood by just texting me, who can tell when im in a listening or talking kind of mood. i dont think there is anyone in the whole world who has figured out that even though im skinny, have amazing friends and family, and for no reason at all i am depressed as hell and as thught about suicide. Ive thought about the medicine draw and how many pills it would take to peacefully sleep .. forever!! I constantly keep thinking about how i could take something and never have to worry about anything ever again, live in a world a hate, surrounded by people i hate, feeling trapped and alone, for no reason at all. I cannot explain my thoughts which is why no-one knows how i feel but i feel like i need that one friend, a friend, boyfriend, best friend, soul mate, parent, sibling.. like they do on films/tv shows, that one person that they confide everything and anything to. I dont have that, i never push anyone away, they just leave! I dont know whats wrong with me, my head is completely and 100% messed up, im scared and alone!

Friday, 19 April 2013


I know many teenagers obsessed with tumblr in that it is all they talk about, and ive had tumblr before but i thoguht, im older now and know what i want my blog to look like. so go and follow me if you like, and i'll be sure to follow you back :)
ps- my blog is me, i dont act this way or do any of the things really that are on my blog, but it represents all the things that id want to do if i was confident enough to be the real me!!


So the hit TV show awkward is back, with season 3 and i like many other teenage (im going to say that the majority were probably girls) were extremely excited. Season 1 and 2 were a huge hit and very personal as they tackled real life situations that we can relate to. And with no let downs they began season 3 with the feeling of Jenna 'the main character' feeling left behind by her friends and pretty much invisible. I get this feeling alot, like i listen to all my friends complain about everything and anything and then as soon as its my turn to be sad and turn to a friend for help, advice or just to talk, i kind of feel like they want to be somewhere else and almost dont seem to care. And the amount of times ive sat in lessons feeling extremely depressed and no-one seems to notice! Ive even got to the point where listening to music and forgetting about the world barely made anything feel better, so much so that ive thought many times (not to the extend of even nearly doing so) about how easy it would be to down a handful of pills and have the easy way out and nothing would be anymore. But life's too short to waste it, if god wanted me to die, he'd plan my death for now, but he obviously has plans for me and just because it isnt perfect or what i really want it to be and i feel extremely insignificant, doesnt mean that i am. Be happy with who are you and what you want to be. Just like Jenna just get on with it and live you life to the fullest - ok not exactly like Jenna with her 'pregnancy scare'as her life is fictional, but just be happy and live everyday as though it may be your last.