Thursday, 17 October 2013

Bizarre and weird aren't we all

Aren't we all weird? What is weird? Can it not be that the normal ones are in fact weird and everyone 'labelled' as weird is in fact normal. What does it mean to be normal? The normal ones are the supposedly cool ones aren't they? So pretty, skinny, popular, perfect, fashionable, spoiled, funny, etc. But aren't most of these things chance. Pretty, skinny, perfect... aren't we born with these characteristics? Spoiled, fashionable, popular... doesn't it all come down to who you know, what you've got! Most if not all of these things are unchangeable and so there thousands if not millions of - particularly girls although im sure some guys figure the same - teenagers shall we say are bullied or made to feel insignificant because they arent normal, they are bizarre or weird. But isnt everyone? Im almost certain every single person in the whole entire world has a secret or someone they dont like about themselves, even the most cockiest arrogant of people must find something about themselves weird. If they dont then i declare them weird.
Who says perfect is normal? Who says popular is cool? Who says that being beautiful is the best thing?

Barbie was thrown upon us as kids but in reality it isnt even close to what realistic people should look like, yet as a child all every girl wanted to be was barbie in her 'perfect' little world. So why is society always so worried about whether youre skinny or larger, gay or straight, beautiful or average. What does it matter to everyone else. Once we were given a chance to voice our opinions everything changed. Judgement. Division. Fights. In primary school when everyone was friends with everyone, we wonder why? There was no judgement, division or fights and why? No one had opinions everyone just accepted you for being yourself - we knew no better and hadnt figured even ourselves out yet but the thought that if we had no opinions of everyone then we would get along and there would be no normal and no bizarre, isnt that a better world?

If i ever have children i will bring them up not to judge, discriminate or think that someone different from them is bizarre, because like the quote of the breakfast club "we're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it."

Motivation to work or not to work?

Motivation to do any revision, school work or homework! WHERE ARE YOU I NEED YOU!!!! I cannot be the only one who is struggling to get into the routine of doing work, right? I get bored of school SO easily and come home and want to watch tv, surf the internet and just chillax and my work load is piling up but i refuse to do anything, HELP!!! I like the subjects that i am taking so i should have an interest in them or so you would think but i get home and the thought of doing anything school related makes me want to just... Where is my motivation, at school im all like when i get home im gonna do so much revision and work but as soon as i get home i PROCRASTINATE i am so stupid but i just cant help myself.. perfect, my report will be just perfect!!!

Tuesday, 30 July 2013


Up until the age of 14, I had never moved and lived in a tiny little remote village. Then when my dad's job moved us 3000 odd miles away, I was in for a shock. New country. New culture. New people. It was very unexpected and sudden but I adapted well and fit in as best I could. I met some amazing people and had experiences some people can only dream of. It was not something I would change if I could. But now after only a short period of time, I'm back to my little samey old village and as nice as it is, I miss the big city I came to love. There were many things I hated.. how much I missed my friends and family, how I couldn't see the stars, the hot summer heat! But at the same time there were things I loved.. the malls, beaches, SOME of the people, my school.. But again, I will adapt to the quietness and remoteness of my hometown, it'll just take some getting used to I think. Moving country is probably the biggest event of my 16 year life but I wouldn't change anything about it.. except maybe the stress and packing!!!


EXAMS ARE OVER!!!! I haven't had a chance to be on here since exams are over, but they finally are! It was stressful and alot of people didn't cope. But the worst is over.. for some! I'm guessing results day will be more nerve racking for some people but I believe if you put what you want in, they you should get out of it what you wanted. Obviously, slip ups or unfair grading may come into it and grade boundaries are a bitch.. In maths you only need 36% to get a C whereas in most other subjects you need 50% and in some history courses you need 60%. There should be permanent grade boundaries so students know what to aim for. Past papers are useful so we can predict how the real exam will go but I would feel a whole lot more comfortable knowing what I need to get, to get the grade I want or need. On the other hand, I think it is good that they vary when the exams are harder which means we still have the same chance at getting the same grade as someone who took an easier exam the year before. But the exams shouldn't differ in difficulty they should be the same difficulty in tiers anyway but I don't think any exam board are going to change. Well for me GCSE's are done forever and never having to do maths or science again makes me so happy but I have as and a-levels to look forward to if I get the grades I need - lucky me! But I try to keep positive and say to myself it will pay off when I need to get a job!!


May 13th 2013 was the date that the 90210 finale aired. I remember when I found out that 90210 was being cancelled I was very upset being a huge fan of the show but now I feel it was the right decision. Stories were running dry and the characters were too familiar - there were no surprises anymore! As much I will miss the rich and famous faces of the 90210 gang, I feel that any new stories would be too unbelievable as they had already tackled serious situations and anymore would make the show too unrealistic.  The show portrayed prostitution, rape, teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, marriage, etc. Too tackle all of these different situations and with such realism in only 5 years is amazing and even though 90210 wasn't the sequel to 90210 Beverly Hills, they sure did the show proud. 

But all that said the final ever episode was wish-washy. I feel like everyone should have ended up happy. Unrealistic people may say but at least we would have felt closure. With Naomi she didn't really find her true happy relationship or job. It felt too rushed and not over. I really thought it would be nice for her and Max to end up together. They always seemed to make it work through the worst of times. It was such a shame! Also, Silver getting cancer at the end was horrific. Even though she said she was going to fight it, after loosing the baby, I was hoping she was going to have a bit of a happy ending like maybe.. her and Dixon being re-united. When they dated in season 1 they were so cute together and with Liam and Annie and Navid and Adrianna back together I thought it was going to end in a memoriable way. Even if the relationships of the characters didn't last it would have been nice for it to end with a memory of the best times of 90210. It was a great show and I am going to buy the complete box set so I can remember everything but I feel like the show was worth more than the ending it was given. Goodbye, we will miss you 90210! 

Saturday, 11 May 2013

The Help - Dubai Style

So i watched The Help for the second time today! The first time i ever saw it i loved it, it was powerful and made me thank God that blacks have rights and all the racial abuse is over. But after watching it today i just thought about how Dubai is so like The Help. People have maids, some treat them kindly and others don't, they have no say in anything, they raise the children and all the things wrong with The Help happens in Dubai. I'm sure when The Help was released all the Americans, British and anyone in a 1st world country thought to themselves, wow, i am so glad all the segregation and racism is all over and the world is free and peaceful. Id hate the world to still be like that. But they dont the fact that the racism, segregation and abuse of power is still going on in Asia and the Middle East. Its sad to think that there are so many helpless and abused people out in the world that no-one knows about! These huge countries like that of America and Britain seem to get involved in everything in other countries: war, politics, etc. But they dont get involved in what matters. Human rights. No-one helps them. People think they are called 'The Help' because they help you around the house. But maybe its deeper meaning is that they need help, they are trapped in employment.

Friday, 10 May 2013

DUBAI (The Dark Side)

Dubai is said to be one of the most luxurious countries (Emirates) in the world. It has the tallest building in the world, beautiful architecture, wide range of different cultures, religions and people. But the reality is that Dubai is just a cover up and it hides the truth. In China, they control all the media and what is known about China by the rest of the world. But people sell their stories. Dubai is the same. The United Arab Emirates is run by 7 "Sheikhs" and they are the 'royal family' and lead the Emirates and control everything. They overrule everything maybe the better term. The control the laws, rules, police, politics, schooling, health care and if their 'Emirati or Arab' friends get into trouble they will make sure to blame it on someone else. You only need to look at the accident system in Dubai to see this. If anyone below the status of an Emirati or Arab has a collision/accident with an Emirati or Arab, it will immediately be their fault even if they have done nothing wrong. This is the same in any situation, within a fight, argument, disagreement or anything like that. Anyone critising or complaining about Dubai can easily be jailed, fired (and thus made to leave the country) or deported. If your jailed your passport (and sometimes your families passports) will be taken from you and all bank account seized, so your family are stuck in Dubai helpless. If your jailed for a long-period of time, you will earn no money, and then your house, cars, your belongings will get taken from you to make up your debt as your not allowed to be in debt in Dubai. This makes you and your family even more helpless and trapped. 

This image sums Dubai up. The paint you this beautiful picture, saying how much of a paradise haven that it is and it will make every dream come true. But really that is just only just a painting. In real life it is a hell filled with slavery, in-consistent rules and no security. Everyone outside of Dubai (celebrities and anyone that has heard of Dubai) would describe it as a luxury paradise because that's what the media and images show. But that's what the Sheikhs want you to think, whereas in reality it is quite the opposite. This image represents how the more you read into things and the more knowledge you gain of something, the more you learn about the truth and the more of you learn of real life. 

I read an article called 'The Dark Side of Dubai' run by The Independent that shows and explores the real life experience and true stories of the life of Dubai for the people living there. I knew about some of the things, but some of the stories and things people were described, never EVER had arisen in the Dubai news. Obviously, a country would never want bad publicity and would never run it itself, but no-one had run a story that had made it into National or Inter-national news. This story needs to be heard, these peoples voices need to be heard. We need to stop ignoring the truth when we are just too scared to face the facts. Something needs to be done about all of this before its too late.
I may only be a 15 year old teenage girl with a whole lot of hormones but my eyes have been opened and for the first time I am seeing the world for what it really is. More people should know about this. People in Britain and America think and thank God that slavery doesn't exist anymore and how Black people have rights, but what about the Indians, Pakistanis, Filipinos and all the other people living in Dubai that are tricked into slavery. They need rescuing. Everyone in Dubai hangs their head when the walk past maids, security guards  any type of labour worker because they know what is going on but is too ashamed to acknowledge the fact. This needs to stop, now.

Read The Independent's article on the truth about Dubai here ...

It is long, but my eyes have been opened and for the first time, I want to change the world.

Here is the real Dubai...

Dubai's motto might as well be "Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil." Because they cover everything up and anything you do know, they will make sure you never tell.

Monday, 22 April 2013


I dont think there is anyone in this world out of all my family and friends, out of 7 BILLION people that know me exactly, can tell my mood by just texting me, who can tell when im in a listening or talking kind of mood. i dont think there is anyone in the whole world who has figured out that even though im skinny, have amazing friends and family, and for no reason at all i am depressed as hell and as thught about suicide. Ive thought about the medicine draw and how many pills it would take to peacefully sleep .. forever!! I constantly keep thinking about how i could take something and never have to worry about anything ever again, live in a world a hate, surrounded by people i hate, feeling trapped and alone, for no reason at all. I cannot explain my thoughts which is why no-one knows how i feel but i feel like i need that one friend, a friend, boyfriend, best friend, soul mate, parent, sibling.. like they do on films/tv shows, that one person that they confide everything and anything to. I dont have that, i never push anyone away, they just leave! I dont know whats wrong with me, my head is completely and 100% messed up, im scared and alone!

Friday, 19 April 2013


I know many teenagers obsessed with tumblr in that it is all they talk about, and ive had tumblr before but i thoguht, im older now and know what i want my blog to look like. so go and follow me if you like, and i'll be sure to follow you back :)
ps- my blog is me, i dont act this way or do any of the things really that are on my blog, but it represents all the things that id want to do if i was confident enough to be the real me!!


So the hit TV show awkward is back, with season 3 and i like many other teenage (im going to say that the majority were probably girls) were extremely excited. Season 1 and 2 were a huge hit and very personal as they tackled real life situations that we can relate to. And with no let downs they began season 3 with the feeling of Jenna 'the main character' feeling left behind by her friends and pretty much invisible. I get this feeling alot, like i listen to all my friends complain about everything and anything and then as soon as its my turn to be sad and turn to a friend for help, advice or just to talk, i kind of feel like they want to be somewhere else and almost dont seem to care. And the amount of times ive sat in lessons feeling extremely depressed and no-one seems to notice! Ive even got to the point where listening to music and forgetting about the world barely made anything feel better, so much so that ive thought many times (not to the extend of even nearly doing so) about how easy it would be to down a handful of pills and have the easy way out and nothing would be anymore. But life's too short to waste it, if god wanted me to die, he'd plan my death for now, but he obviously has plans for me and just because it isnt perfect or what i really want it to be and i feel extremely insignificant, doesnt mean that i am. Be happy with who are you and what you want to be. Just like Jenna just get on with it and live you life to the fullest - ok not exactly like Jenna with her 'pregnancy scare'as her life is fictional, but just be happy and live everyday as though it may be your last.

Wednesday, 13 February 2013


I am overly stressed right now. There is so much going on in my life that I have to worry about! I know all teeangers get stressed but the amount of things on my mind is uncountable! I have to worry about grades, homework, revision, ill relatives back home (and I live far from home), having to move again mid-way through the school year (and ditching my exams??) and I honestly cannot take my mind wandering every second of every day! And I can't concentrate on anything right now, as soon as i get too involved with something my mind suddenly thinks about something to stress me out! I have the worst headaches at least 5 times a day now and I cannot take anymore stress! Too top it all off, im the kind of person who needs alot of sleep and I cant sleep and have to go to bed so late with the amount of work I recieve.. And getting up incredibly early does not help! And no-one understands me. Teachers, parents, friends, family.. No-one understands how much stress Im under compared to everyone else. I know my stress is all secret and most people dont know anything about any of this and everyone else could be doing the same, but everyone else seems happy and calm all the time and although I fake a smile, I cant.. Im tired of it! Pretending everything is perfectly ok when everything is falling apart.. At only 15, i shouldnt have to worry about the kind of things I do! I cant sleeep.. I cant cope.....!

Tuesday, 12 February 2013


So I have strong opinions, sometimes I speak out of  place! But I'm better now and more controlling and tend to know when i should and shouldn't speak! But I get it wrong from time to time.. But I was brought up being told to speak your mind and don't let others speak it for you.. Basically, don't let others influence you into believing something you don't want to. Its why i love opinions, you can believe what you want and I have no disrespect or hate towards anyone with completely different opinions to myself. But lately I feel when i'm talking to my group of friends, i'm being judged or hated against for what i feel or think... I don't hate them or cause an argument (we debate) but i'm happy with them thinking differently to me, it makes us human, so i don't understand how they can deal with my opinions, i doesn't affect them and i'm not just making shit up and talking out my ass, i hate with people start saying shit how they feel and think when they know nothing on the subject at all, i'm not like that.. I just speak my mind, its not like i'm racist, homophobic or sexist or anything like that, just i have the 'wrong' opinion according to some people, which i thought was impossible but i guess some people just don't understand some things...

Wednesday, 6 February 2013


I've changed so much over the last few years. Grown up, matured, changed. But I still look over old photos, and start reminiscing. Then i see photos of me and my old friends, people I haven't spoken to for years, and remembering how close we once were. How can people change so much.. Being best friends for years, to being an absolute back-stabbing bitch! Can people really change that much? Or were they always a liar and we just never noticed it before.. I can't help thinking how different my life would be if we were still friends or if I'd never moved away from my life I knew before! Or if i'd moved away sooner and left being best friends.. Would we still be now? How can I say i miss you - or what you were - without seeming desperate and clingy! I just want to say how I wish we were still close enough to talk and laugh! I hate not having you as a friend, but you'll always be my childhood best friend, and no amount of bitchiness and lies can take that away from me. You can't do anything about it! 


I've always wanted to be famous! A dancer. An actress. A singer. Anything. I'd love the rich, famous lifestyle! It'll never be what anyone thinks! The paparazzi, no private life and haters! I'm sure it also has many positives and many negatives. But I can't help thinking how cool and exciting it would be and how fun! I watch films, tv shows, music videos, interviews.. The list is endless! And I'd love to be famous, and have everyone know me, make a real impact on someone/maybe even people! But I guess it would be tough!
The thought of being famous excites me and gets me smiling and imaging how amazing everything would be! I'd love it, and I know every teenage girls dream is to be famous, and I know I have nothing that would be of any use to anyone, but I can always dream!

Security about myself..

So recently I've been feeling incredibly insecure about myself. I feel as if I am constantly being watched and whispered about and judged, it's horrible. I feel like when I'm hanging about with my friends (who are so lovely and amazing) I'd rather be somewhere else with other people, that's weird right? I couldn't be happier yet I feel so unhappy with myself. I feel like I'm not being 'me' just something that my friends have created and I am that being. But I'm happy and I love my friends, so I don't understand.. I've been watching so much American TV lately, pretty much about teenagers and stuff, all their lives are so perfect and exactly the kind of friendships, relationships and just general life I want, and believe me I know it's unrealistic and very cliche, but I can't help wanting to be different, how can I get that when I'm with the wrong people? But I'm not confident. I'm not cool. I can't change and be the loud, bubbly person I really want to be, because of what everyone else thinks or says! I'm completely stuck!!!

Saturday, 2 February 2013

90210 - must watch!

90210 is a must watch, i originally watched the show when it first aired in 2008 and got hooked but for many reasons, i ran out of time and got distracted by a numerous amount of other things and dropped off and pretty much just stopped watching it! But recently i have begun watching it again and it is so personal and relate-able even though the story lines can be a little far fetched. I love it because it starts with them in high school and progresses and is now them in the beginning of their adult life which is totally cool and realistic and i suppose living in Beverly Hills and having millions through their 'trust funds' it maybe isnt so realistic compared to our lives but some of their feelings are personal lives are totally realistic and cool! It's why i love the show and now have an obsession with L.A. and with my uncle living close by to California he promised if i visit him in America he will take me to L.A. .. guess i better start saving then! 

Friday, 1 February 2013

Time - quick and slow?!

So lately, the present seems to be going so slow, yet time is still ticking extremely fast! I cannot physically believe we are already in 2013, and we are already into the second month of 2013! My weeks are school seem to be dragging on an awful lot recently but maybe i just cannot wait for year 11 to be over and get onto into sixth form (if i get in). I just cant wait to be doing less subjects - even if that does mean more work - but however subjects that interest me a hell of alot more than maths, science, pe, etc.
So we got our a-level options from last week, i am nervous and excited and all of a sudden i just starting thinking and remembering things.. starting middle school, and high school, and remembering things from so many years ago, all as if they were yesterday and suddenly they are being blurred into one memory.. MY LIFE! No longer do i remember each individual thing, just bits of different things! And then all of a sudden, i am holding my options form in my hand thinking, my life is just beginning, my adult life anyway, im finally making decisions for myself and taking my future into my own hands, and with four words, my whole life will be different, life just got serious, and already i dont like hear!
So.. here's to the future, its gonna suck, im so ready!!!!